The Bun is...

... still a mystery. They weren't able to determine the gender. Little The Bun was stubbornly curled up in a ball and wouldn't uncurl for anything.

I think I'm having a girl.

Boy or girl? Vote now.

Friday is the day we go in for the ultrasound and (hopefully) find out whether we're having a boy or a girl. I've already voiced my concerns about having a girl, but here's a quick list of the benefits to each gender as I see them:

BENEFITS TO HAVING A GIRL

• We'll have our bases covered - at least one of each
  
• I'd absolutely melt if I had a little girl
• Could bring balance to the testosterone that would be flowing through our household in the form of trucks, video games, dirt, etc. (This could also be a con.)
• If my sons are anything like me, the changes of accidents and serious injury are greatly reduced if it's a girl
  

BENEFITS TO HAVING A BOY

• It would be awesome for Jake to have a brother
• I can call them "my boys"
• My wife can call the three of us "her boys"
  
• Seasonally, Jake's clothes will match perfectly with what The Bun II will need and we'll save a small fortune on clothes that will only be worn maybe four or five times before they're outgrown
• No frilly stuff

What do you think we're having? Please vote on the poll that's in the upper-right corner of the site. Also, do you see any other pros or cons to having a boy or a girl? Leave word in the comments.

Image courtesy of here.

Advice on being a Secret Santa

If at all possible, avoid routes to the front porch that are covered in crunchy snow and ice. Also, the fewer people making the trek to the porch, the better - I recommend less than three. Try to avoid paths to the door that may be more complicated than necessary. For example, if there is a 30 foot wooden ramp with a 90 degree turn in it that you must go up before even getting to the porch, consider aborting the mission and giving the toys to the neighbors. Or keep them for yourself.

Finally, if you've been volunteered by your commrades to be the one to stay and ring the bell (similar to being the wounded guy in a movie who stays behind to be eaten by the monster in the hopes it will buy his friends enough time to escape), and the porch light turns on before you get a chance to ring the bell, feel free to make as much noise as you want as you book it out of there as fast as you can. It doesn't matter if they hear you; In a matter of seconds they're going to open the door, see the presents, and know someone was there, which is the whole point anyway, right?

Image courtesy of here.

Intolerance for tolerance (reblogged)

*Note: I don't know if "reblogged" is the correct term for republishing/linking someone's content because you want it to have a larger audience. But people "retweet" all the time on Twitter, so I figure it's as good a term as any. So... a quote from the blog Political Shorts.

Here are some comments from a gay activist website. Remember, these are from the people that are angry because other people are intolerant.

• Can someone in CA please go burn down the Mormon temples there, PLEASE. I mean seriously. DO IT."
• "I'm going to give them something to be f--ing scared of....I'm a radical who is now on a mission to make them all pay for what they've done."
• "Burn their f--ing churches to the ground, and then tax the charred timbers."
• "I hope the No on 8 people have a long list and long knives."
• "I swear, I'd murder people with my bare hands this morning."
• "Trust me. I've got a big list of names of mormons and catholics [sic] that were big supporters of Prop 8....As far as mormons and catholics...I warn them to watch their backs."

Some additional points of my own, in addition to the obvious irony:

1. Why would you burn down our temples? Because you can't get married there? The only reason anyone would want to get married there is because they believe in the doctrine of the church. And if you do, then you A. understand why the church has taken the position it has and B. wouldn't want to burn down the temples.

2. As for the threats to individual members of the church - it's nothing new. I dare say that throughout the history of the United States, Mormons have been persecuted much more than homosexuals.

3. I'd love it if there were enough Mormons in California to take credit for the passage of Prop 8, but there were a lot of Catholics (as were mentioned), Baptists, and people of many other faiths and organizations who helped...but thanks for the nod anyway.

4. FYI - It doesn't matter how much you or anybody else protests; the church isn't going to budge. So if it makes you feel better to march around with your signs, be my guest - it's most certainly your right to do so - but it's not going to change anything.

Anyway, jump over and read the full post over at Political Shorts. I especially like his tip at the end about the Polynesian guy.

Sick

 The plagues of Egypt have hit our home (minus the locusts and rivers of blood). Hopefully everyone will be feeling better by Monday. Or, preferably, tomorrow.

Image courtesy of here.

Another Bun in the oven

Yup. We're expecting again. Due at the end of May.

P.S. No, I will not be putting the widget back up.

Why I didn't vote for Obama

Allow me to preface this post: this is going to be extremely personal and emotional. It will touch deeply on my personal beliefs as well as my political stance on some sensitive issues. While I will cite doctrine from my church, which I testify is true, the conclusions I come to about those doctrines are my own, not necessarily those of the Church.

"I don't want to vote for McCain and I won't vote for Obama." That's the little phrase I've come up with to explain my feelings about this election. I'm happy with either candidate.

That being said, Obama is probably the walking definition of charismatic. When I've listened to some of his speeches I admit do feel inspired and feel like he would be an excellent leader. Despite these things, I still wouldn't vote for Obama. Here's why:

Obama supports not only abortion, but partial-birth abortion. In fact, he even made a speech in favor of post-birth "abortion". (You can read his full speech in chapter 10 of The Case Against Barack Obama by David Freddoso.)

Obama also wants to redefine the definition of marriage as between one man and one woman and voted against a federal amendment to ban same-sex marriage.

Now, one might ask why I put so much emphasis on these two topics when there are other very important things to consider including the war in Iraq, health care, energy issues, the economy, etc.. It's because of The Family: A Proclamation to the World which was given by God through his prophet. I hold it in the same reverence as I do the Bible, Book of Mormon, and other scripture.

In the Proclamation it states (in part - see the above link for the full document):

We, the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children....

We warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.

We call upon responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.

Note that it doesn't say high taxes, outrageous government spending, wars, or lack of health care will bring upon us calamities. The disintegration of the family will. I don't consider those idle words, nor do I think they're figurative.

Which candidate "promotes [the] measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society"? It's not Obama. And while that's not the only factor to consider when casting your vote, I believe it's the most important.

Meat. Lots of meat.

I think this was the largest steak I'd ever seen. Supposedly, it was 18 oz (net weight before cooking). Ha. There's probably two pounds of meat there.

I was pleased with how much of it I ate.


That is all.

One of the more ghetto parade floats I've ever seen

Saw this beaut' while at the Labor Day parade in Evanston, Wyoming. Quality.

I need some suggestions (crowdsourcing Halloween)

OK. I do precious little around my house. Really, I come home from work, kiss my wife and son hello and then sit down and play Xbox until it's time to eat dinner. Then my wife does the dishes, I lock my son in his room and continue to play Xbox until it's time for his bedtime where I am interrupted again by having to kiss him goodnight.

So when you realize one of my few responsibilities is to be in charge of Jake's Halloween costume, you'd think I could handle it, right? Nope. I can't think of anything remotely interesting.

So I thought I'd ask everyone what they think my son should be for Halloween. Let me know in the comments. If I don't get any good suggestions it's probably going to end up similar to the above pictured costume which will scar my son for life.

Don't corrupt such an innocent mind. Leave a suggestion in the comments for a better Halloween costume.

Image grotesquely provided from here.

Generation gap

My parents watch 22 minutes of the evening news to get to the weather forecast.

I open my laptop and hit "F12".

Just an observation.

Do not disturb

On vacation (see above).

Image courtesy of here.

Bad parents!

Who pays someone to take photos of their kid in front of the ugliest mural west of the Mississippi? These bozos, apparently. I threw up in my mouth a little when I realized what they were doing.

Just think about the traumatic childhood this kid will inevitably have with parents who are so misguided. These are the type of people who let their kid juggle kitchen knives because they're afraid telling him not to do something will damage him emotionally.

Nut jobs.

It could have been worse

I couldn't figure out why the balls weren't shooting out of the top of Jake's new toy. It took me a second to notice the watch my dad got me when I graduated college clogging the tube.

Then it dawned on me: that orange part at the top could just as easily have been a toilet bowl. You get my drift.

See? I told you I was alive.

OK. So here's the story: work. Actually, I'm not sure why the *&%# I haven't been writing as much lately. Work has definitely been more insane than usual. And by "usual" I mean "than it was last October." Yes, work has been taking its toll and my brain has been mush. And Brain Mush is not conducive to writing.

Honestly, Call of Duty 4 has been my "decompression" activity lately. Yes, sniping terrorists not only is good for world peace but it's much more mindless than writing. Also, writing isn't a spectator sport - to really dig into something I need to shut out everything else and focus. However, my wife will watch me play COD4 and be a second set of eyes which has me promoted to rank of First Lieutenant II. I now have a sweet new assault rife with a red dot scope. Thank you honey!

I'm also getting old and fat, which means getting to the gym is much more important which means getting up early which means getting to bed early which means less blogging. Curse my love handles!! Curse them!

OK. Lunch break is over. Back to the grindstone.

CNN Headline: Snake eats family dog as kids watch

True story. Their yippy little Chihuahua dog was devoured by a 16-foot python. And, like any good parent, mom let the kids (5 and 7 years old) out in the yard to watch.

"Now see how the snake is squeezes tighter each time Yippy inhales? That way Yippy can't exhale to take a breath and will slowly die. Stop crying! This is nature!"

As if that weren't bad enough, the family knew the snake had been hanging out in their yard.

"It actively stalked the dog for a number of days," said Stuart Douglas, owner of the Australian Venom Zoo.

"The family that owned the dog had actually seen it in the dog's bed, which was a sign it was out to get it," he added.

Thanks for that tip Mr. Snake Expert.

If I'd seen a python coiled up where my dog slept, I would probably keep my dog (and kids) indoors. Then again, I'm a new parent so I'm probably overly-cautious about such things. Maybe once you have a few kids the idea of them playing in the yard with the dog and the scrub python isn't such a big deal.

CNN story here. Image from here.

Maternal instincts

As I watched my wife do a full improvisational song and dance routine spanning genres from stage and the silver screen to the delight of my eight month-old son, I realized I could never be creative enough to be a mother.

Southwest Airlines: go ahead and change your baby on the toilet lid

Normally I'm a pretty big fan of the Southwest Airlines. They have funny flight attendants and the prices generally can't be beat. I've flown them countless times over the last five or so years. This Christmas was no different.

Last night as my wife and son flew back from Oregon my son did something very characteristic of himself: he pooped. While this isn't a good thing, it's a normal thing. We dealt with it on the way over (or, I should say, my wife did). However, on the return flight it was my turn. My wife informed me that there was a changing table in the "forward lavatory". So I picked up my very cute, but reeking son and made my way to the front.

When I peeked into the lavatory there wasn't a changing table. I asked the flight attendant who was dutifully doing whatever it is flight attendants do when they aren't distributing beverages and crackers, if the changing table was in the rear lavatory.

"No."

A bit surprised, I asked where I should change him, thinking I might be able to do it on the floor in front of the door we boarded through - inconvenient, but roomy. She told me to do it on the toilet lid.

Now, I'm 6'4" and moving around in those little bathrooms is fairly uncomfortable. But when you're trying to balance a 28-inch wiggling baby boy on a dirty toilet in a moving aircraft...well...you can imagine.

I must have given her a "look" because she said, "I can give you a garbage bag to put down if you want."

You're too kind.

I took her little garbage bag and made my way into the lavatory. The short version is that Jake was screaming, his legs hanging off one end of the toilet and his head and hands touching the disgusting backdrop behind the toilet. I wish I'd been able to take a picture because I'm pretty sure it hadn't been cleaned recently as it appeared there was something (I'm trying not to think about) that had splashed up behind the toilet and run down the backdrop.

The backdrop my seven month-old son's head and hands were touching.

Needless to say, I'm quite disappointed with Southwest's lack of consideration for parents and I feel much worse for those who have kids older (and taller) than my son who need to change diapers on their flight.

Photo courtesy of here.

Merry Christmas from Oregon

Merry Christmas from a damp, green, beautiful Oregon! I hope it's a wonderful one for you and yours.

For lack of anything else to write, what was the best gift given or received in your family? For example, did your mom give your dad something particularly thoughtful? Did your family do something for a less fortunate family? Let me know in the comments.

Need some last-minute Christmas gift ideas?

Brain freeze? Can't figure out what to get the last few people on your list? Jump over to LivSimpl for 11 non-lame, last-minute Christmas gifts generic enough for anyone, for under $30.

And tell your friends.

Merry Christmas!