Oh yeah. This is totally my neighborhood. Some dude tries to walk out of the store with some pizzas, is confronted by an employee who he stabs. Genius Pizza Boy then decides to leave his truck in the parking lot and run to his nearby apartment.A police bloodhound tracked him down. Apparently those dogs can smell pepperoni for miles.
Now, I've had some serious cravings. There was this one time I crossed into another state to find these frozen burritos I used to eat in college. But I've never broken the law to satisfy a craving, and certainly not to the point of injuring someone or something.
Wait. Scratch that.
I did run over a cat once on a late-night run to Baskin Robbins. I yelled at it to move out of the road - or maybe I mumbled something, I can't remember - and it didn't listen and the place was about to close, so, yeah. Thud. But let me tell you, few things taste quite as good as a three scoop sundae of Quarterback Crunch ice cream covered in caramel with whipped cream and a few of those fake cherries on top. Totally worth it.
Baskin Robbins logo from here, original story on KSL here.
Hi Dave, thanks for the gripping post. By the way did you know: a slum and a ghetto are different - if everyone is ethnically similar, it is a ghetto and if everyone is basically poor, it is a slum. At least this is what my sources at thesaurus.com tell me.
ReplyDeleteSo that raises the question, do you live in a ghetto or a slum?
I stand corrected. Due to the ethnically diverse apartment complex in which I live I would now define it as a slum. Thank you Doug!
ReplyDeleteAhh I miss the old place, this makes me want to move back.
ReplyDeleteLiar.
ReplyDeleteYes, Michael must be lying. What a wonderful neighborhood we have. We should throw a BBQ!
ReplyDeleteOk, so the cat thing....totally sick. I have to admit that I hate cats personally but to run over one just to get some ice cream...that's just sick man!
ReplyDeleteOK. Fine. So maybe the story about the cat wasn't *entirely* true. ;)
ReplyDeleteI was about to say "Well done", but if it's not true, then I'm disappointed in you, Stiny. Hilarious post, either way.
ReplyDeleteRob - I think I still deserve a "Well done" because at least my heart was in the right place while writing this.
ReplyDeleteYou have an illness, kitty killer! Good thing I moved mine three states away..... hater!
ReplyDeleteReebs - Maybe if I'd been raised better I wouldn't have turned out this way.
ReplyDelete